I didn’t want to be here. Again. Four hospital stays in four years seemed a bit much. I could feel myself inching closer to that proverbial edge. I knew for my health I needed to be here, but I sure didn’t want to be.
From the Emergency Room I got a ride to the Progressive Care Unit – not sick enough to warrant an ICU stay, but not stable enough for a regular room. This was the brand new wing of the hospital. For a frequent patient like myself, it was at least interesting to be someplace else. The room was big and had that brand new smell, no roommate (that’s always a plus), and a huge TV. If I had to be stuck here over the weekend, at least watching the Vikings on that thing would make the afternoon go by faster.
The nice room aside, things were not going as planned. My body was not handling the IV treatment well. Usually a treatment takes three to four hours. At the rate I was dripping, we were on track to finish in eight. Eight hours with blood pressure checks every 15 minutes. It was going to be a long night.
The IV treatment wasn’t the only thing not going well. My attitude stunk. I was whiny. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was afraid. I was ticked at God. And I told Him so. Again. Again. Again. Yep, it was a long night.
Around 5 a.m., just after a doctor came in for yet another exam, I was starting in again with my ranting. I remember asking God to please show me He knew I was there. And to please help me see it. That’s when I felt that God nudge and heard a voice in my spirit. “Deb, turn over in the bed.”
Well, that was ridiculous. I was all wired up. Facing the door was the easiest, most helpful position for me to be in. Shifting everything to turn over would take some time, would set off all my bells and whistles and, to be honest, I wasn’t convinced it would be worth it.
But I heard it again. “Deb, turn over in the bed.” This time I did.
What I didn’t notice earlier in the evening when I arrived in the new room was the big wall to wall window. A window that overlooked the Mississippi River. The Mississippi River during fall peak. God knew I hadn’t noticed.
For the next hour He displayed the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen in my life. It was stunning.
The every 15 minute visits ceased. It was as if God Himself put a guard at the door. For one hour it was just me and God and the gift of that sunrise.
That gift spoke to me quietly and deeply and profoundly all at the same time. I saw Genesis 28:15 in that sunrise. It was the answer to my whiny, hurting heart. He did see me. God knew exactlly where I was. I was not alone.
Before the health crash, I was writing a talk for a MOPS leadership event. (I love those women!) I was studying every verse where God said, “I will.” There are a lot of them! Each one displays His character and His promises. That early morning He said “I will” with a sunrise. I will be with you. I will be right here. I will not leave you. I grabbed on to those I wills with all my heart. They brought hope and healing during a dark time. Maybe you, too, need an I will promise to hang on to.
Over the next two weeks I’ll be sharing more about God’s I wills. There are some sweet, sweet treasures for us to discover. I do hope you’ll join me.
Click When God Says I Will to download a few pages of my favorite I Will verses. What one speaks to you today?